The shame that killed Whitney

I was once a very proud black woman who seemed to be living the American Dream. Married to a doctor with two kids  and a Master’s Degree. But then through a series of bad choices I lost it all and had my dignity dragged through the mud. I don’t know why its hard for some people to bounce back, but it has definitely been hard for me. Yes God forgives but there are still consquences and horrible memories that scripture and prayer don’t seem to stop. Especially when those consquences impact your children.

After hearing Kim Burrell talk about her friendship with Whitney, in Whitney’s last years, I began to wonder if Whitney felt the same nagging pain of her poor choices that soiled her legacy.

I am not a drug addict nor have I ever been as famous as Whitney Houston but I can imagine the shame that must’ve crushed her pysche when she looked at her mistakes through sobering eyes.
The tabliods, interviews when she was high, drug tapes created by her and Bobby Brown, etc. There is no way after growing up in church, experiencing the presence of God and having friends like CeCe & Kim  Burrell, that a sober and lucid Whitney didnt feel the pain of her choices. There is no way she didn’t feel disappointed she wasn’t the kind of mother to Bobbi Kristina, that Cissy was to her.

We all make mistakes in private but to have your dignity and downfall publicly documented for all of eternity is more than a soul can take. It was near impossible for an embarassed Whitney to face the public sober, when she couldn’t face it when she was at her best. From all that I have read by her Christian friends she loved deeply and was a sensitive soul. I think for most people if you don’t know how to protect yourself from the industry, you either become the wickedness that it feeds upon, or the wickedness destroys you.