I can’t speak on marriages of other faiths, but I have studied alot about Christian marriages and been apart of Christian community all my life. One thing I have noticed is the tremendous pressure Christians feel. There is this demand to be the 1st Century church the moment you accept Christ whether you are 5 or 65. There is no room for working out your soul’s salvation or growing emotionally.
People seem to ignore Luke 2:40 which says:
[Jesus] continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the grace of God was upon Him.
Basically Jesus, God incarnate didnt pop out the womb with all wisdom and knowledge. He had to grow and God understanding this extended grace. So since we are not God incarnate, how much more grace do we need and need to extend to others including our spouses ?
I am not saying excuse or condone abuse but there is no way when a person gets married no matter how Godly, they are going to be able to handle everything life throws at them in the perfect way. There is so much pressure to be the perfect church member, employee, spouse and parent while having the perfect home, body and bank account. At some point something will give.
If you and your spouse were blessed with great role models for how to deal with stress or received great mentoring, weathering the inevitable storms will be alot easier. For example I wouldn’t be suprised if marriages that survive high stress fields like the military, medicine or ministry were in fact children of doctors, soldiers or ministers.
However, if couples come from very dysfunctional homes where divorce, abuse or adultery occured they have ALOT more work to do seperately and collectively. But with God nothing is impossible. All things can become new if we submit our brokeness to the Lord. The ability to overcome our natural limitations and extend grace, mercy and forgiveness when are spouses fall short, occurs when we are daily in God’s Word and being encouraged by other Christians.
We can’t blame God if we choose to continue the cycle of dysfunction in our marriages by not staying grounded in His Word and getting unBiblical counsel to deal with inevitable storms. And if you find it hard to cut the one you love some slack, check your own heart for bitterness and unforgiveness, not only towards them but any broken relationship you have in the past. Even unforgiveness with yourself can hinder your relationship with your spouse. So always examine your own heart if extending Christ’s love becomes difficult.