I once heard this saying “Men don’t heal they ho”. After having alot of guy friends I realize that men are just as sensitive as women but simply process pain and cope differently.
When a woman is hurt she will open up to another woman. When a man is hurt, he is not calling his homeboy on the phone and crying.
Men are simply not taught to have those sort of conversations with each other and often have very functional relationships based on doing activities not sharing feelings.However, men dont stop being sons who need that nurturing they recieved as little boys from their mothers. The whole concept that men are just one walking hormone is definitely off based, but as adults getting that same nuturing from an adult woman comes with a price.
The challenge for all relationships today is that we are no longer a very homosocial society. Every area of our society has become mixed with men and women. So there are less social boundaries to prohibit intimate interaction between men and women.
More opportunities for men to open up to a wide variety of women, making it easier to have their emotional needs met but also harder to remain bonded in a monogamous relationship.
I’ve heard several times from my guy friends that when they hang around too long with dudes it makes them feel gay.
Now to be fair, alot of people feel that men are just being homophobic or that people are deluasional about the intimate bonds that are created when people are emotionally vunerable. However, scientific studies have proven that there indeed is a chemical response in the brain and oxytocin is released when emotional bonding of any kind occurs.
So no matter how we would like to control or ignore bonding it does happen without our consent chemically. The difference in various people is how well their intellect or spiritual side is developed to combat inappropriate chemical bonding.
In other words, every attraction doesn’t need to be acted upon or explored.
For some men and women, its almost automatic to have sex when an emotional bond is created. However, when the chemicals wear off, men often realize they dont want a serious relationship with their side chick because it will cause too much problems with their main lady and often times his main lady provides the kind of stability he needs in his everyday life.
The side chick may often be the fun exciting woman who has no domestic skills to speak of or who doesnt want to deal with the mundane everyday tasks of creating a home. She will happily after some carnal pleasure, kick the man out to have his dinners and clothes washed by another woman, while she can use all her energy on keeping her body fit and looking good so she can be his fantasy. The side chick is never worn down by homelife, so she is always in a good mood and ready to please the cheating swine. And the cheating swine is never the guy who has left the toilet seat up or other annoying things that guys do when you live with them on a daily basis.
The adulterous relationship in short, is always stuck in fantasy mode protected from the rigors that come from living with someone everyday. The problem is no one grows spiritually or emotionally when they run away from relationship problems. Adulterous relationship often enable people to stay in really horrible unfufilling main relationships.
Instead of one great relationship that pushes them toward a divine purpose, the person is now in two time consuming dysfunctional relationships. The time taken away from growing as a parent, in a career, serving humanity or growing in your relationship with the Lord can never be recouped once lossed to a dysfunctional relationship. Time is precious, the wise spend it well.
Fimally, my theory is the level of oxytocin released may be related to the level of stress or emotional duress a person is under. The higher the stress, the larger the dose of the bonding chemical is released
and deeper the emotiomal attachment is regardless the quality of the relationship.
In fact, studies have proven that people do become deeply emotionally attached to those that save them. The problem is that people may become attached to someone who is clearly dangerous who they wouldnt normally become involved with.